Girl Pack

It's late, and I need to go to bed. Actually, I would be in bed right now, but I have a bed-space issue. And a knee issue. Well, to be honest, it's more of a both knees issue (yes, I fell again, this time it was a total "whoops" because I COMPLETELY forgot that my left foot was clipped in. I tried to stand up and over I went. The words out of my mouth would have made a sailor blush....thank God no one saw me. Just to keep track, I have a blown-out posterior cruciate ligament on my right knee, and substantial bruising on the left. The point of cycling was to save wear and tear on my poor body. HA!).

Small People sleep like puppies. They, for lack of a better term, "den up". I have the most comfy bed in the world (truly, I do), and when the small ones fall asleep on it, they entangle themselves -- limbs twined around limbs and blankets and hair and stuffed friends. Its kind of hard to figure out where one twirly-girl begins and where the other one ends. Moving them when they are deeply asleep is challenging. I don't want to completely wake them up (oh, hell no), but they are almost too big to carry now. One day they are little, the next they are not. Who knew that time went so fast? So I walk and whisper them to their room. Small One can't climb up to her bed when she is sleepy like that, so she gets into Smallest of All's bed. Smallest of All gets into her bed with Small One, and after some fidgeting and fussing, they are tangled up again. They are back pocket children, my daughters. That is where they live, in each others' back pocket. They may bicker and tattle, but at night, when they shed the intrusions of the day, the Small Ones entangle and entwine. They den up, because they are a pack.

God help me when the hormones kick in.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor

Let me clarify. Tomorrow I go to the Clinic to see the uber-ortho's PA. She is, by all accounts, an active runner-biker-spinner-and-whatever else kinda woman. She will get me. She will understand about my need to move and sweat and, well, sweat and move.

So, I got this bike. I got the bike to help with my chronic running "-itis" (plantar fasciitis, ITB, tendonitis on the top of my foot or in my hip....), and the biking thing is working. Biking takes a lot more time than running, but it is fun. The best part is, I can keep running -- not far lately, but that's ok, I don't need to grind out miles right now -- without making the "itis" worse.

So, now that I am cycling, I decided that I need to be as hard-core, and as badass as all the other serious cyclers. Everyone I talked to said I needed to have pedals and clips, and so I got pedals and fancy clippy shoes. The guys at AJ's Bikes and Boards took two hours to tune and fit me to my bike. We practiced clipping in and out on the trainer. I was instructed and re-instructed. I was taught and coached. They covered all that I could absorb. AJ's rocks.

So, I got home and after a bit, took my bike with her new pedals for a spin. I stopped. Could I clip out? Nope. I spilled. Nothing major, I just kinda plopped over. No blood, minor knee scraping. But when I stood up -- whoa. Problem. And so, I tried again. And I fell again. And my right knee cried "UNCLE!!" and I quit for the day.

So, I made dinner, drank some wine and tried to sleep. Problem. My right knee bothered me every time I moved. I had wrapped it in ice, and taken a few ibuprofen, but they didn't help. At all.

So, I got up the next morning and waited for the babysitter to get there. And then I rode 42 miles. Ron at AJ's said that you have approximately 5,000 pedal strokes an hour at 18-19mph. I felt every 10,000+ of them. But now I know how to clip out (in advance, thank you). Afterwards, I didn't have an increase in pain, just swelling and stiffness.

So, I fell on Friday, cycled a long way on Saturday, gave blood on Sunday, and did the elliptical for almost an hour on Monday. The swelling is impressive but the pain?? Eh, more of a really annoying ache. My concern is that 13 hours on my feet at work will make that ache more than annoying. Oh, and stairs. I can't seem to manage stairs that well. Up or down. And, to be honest, getting in and out of the car is kind of hard. My right knee just really doesn't want to bend. And if I accidentally turn it sideways, I have to cry for a minute. 13 hours on my feet isn't looking like much fun.

So, tomorrow I see the doc. I am thinking torn lateral meniscus. That is an easy repair, so that must be what I have.

So, when this drama is over, I am totally thinking about the Run with Donna marathon in Jacksonville in February. But this isn't over yet, and I don't want to think about surgery and all of it friends. But I have to think about something, and I have to have a goal, so I am thinking about a winter marathon and Jacksonville fits. Or maybe Miami.

So, I am going to have a glass of wine and go to bed. Again. And try to sleep. Again.

I like this song. It always makes me smile, even if it is kinda prepubescent. You gotta give up the hardcore somewhere... Toca. So cool. Yep.

Alone at night kinda song

And this

Living In Bed

I spent the weekend in bed. Alone. I finished "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" (geez...talk about a book that could have used a better edit), and then started and finished the next one in the series.

After I delivered the Small People to school on Friday, I repaired to my bedroom, (how E Dickonsonian of me). I had the book that I wanted to finish, some small amount of wine and a bag of lettuce in the fridge.

The grand agenda for this misbegotten weekend was to run and bike and run and bike.

I left the house once to go to the grocery and liquor stores. Who knew that vodka and farm fresh lemonade was so delightful?

I spent the weekend cloistered in my bedroom. I could have had my lover with me, but I didn't have it within me to be giving and available. It concerns me that I can miss my Small People so much that I can shut the normal side of me down and take up an almost reverent relationship with books. I am a person who does things. But sometimes I am paralyzed. I hate it when the kids are gone weekend after weekend after weekend. I hate it when I get letter after letter (forwarded by my attorney) castigating me as a mother. The fact is, we are solid my my little household, even if I don't run. We. Are. Solid.

Appointment Guy is getting ready to retire and is always on vacation. I suppose that I need a new Appointment Guy.

Still here

It has been nigh on a month since I have posted. Things have simply gotten away from me. The last six weeks were blinked away via one crisis or another, none of which have to directly do with me or my little family. For once, we are all okay. Yeah, I am behind on school forms and sign-ups for various things for the Small People. Yeah, I am frantically doing the online book gathering thing (gotta love Bigwords.com for cheap college texts) for College Boy. But all in all, my little household is on solid ground. Baby-sitting Goddesses are back and homework schedules and after-school stuff have been discussed. All in all, our keel is even.

My crises are at work and in my expanded family. All of these are salvos into my little village of Sarah. So far none is a direct hit. I never feel stable, but lately I feel solid. And competent. And centered. It is hard to describe. All of these incoming issues will get exponentially worse before they get better, without a doubt. The storm is coming; I am just now seeing the wind in the leaves. I know a hurricane when I see one. Landfall will come, and there will be disaster. But there won't be disaster in my house. There will be tears, I am certain, and gut-wrenching sadness and anger. But when it comes down to the very cellar of basic, my little family is strong. We are a family as families should be. I didn't grow up this way, the opposite, in fact. Still, College-Boy loves his Mama and the Small People. They love him, and they love me. And I, I -- well, there aren't words. We are waiting for Soldier-Boy to rejoin us. He may, or he may not, but he is with us. There is no negating love.

I have been a bike-slut more than I have been a runner lately. Seems to me, though, that biking helps my running, if for no other reason than my feet feel better. I am trying to decide on a new marathon. Winter in Florida gives me a bunch of races to choose from. I am looking at Miami, but it might be too big. I like smaller races -- I get intimidated by crowds. I have run Jacksonville (sub 4, thank you), but am looking at the Run with Donna race there. Might be too big. Lots to ponder. This biking thing tho.....