How Do You Mother Girls?

Really, how do you be a good mother to girls when there isn't a constant male influence around? My small people get brushed by male influences here and again (much older brothers who are chasing their own futures and the man who is off and on in my life), but for the most part, what they get is me. They get my good and my not so good; they get my great but they also get my crazy. Small One reminds me that Appointment Guy told me not to worry about what I can't control. My 9 year old remembers to ground me. I can't decide if that is great or if it sucks.

None the less, we march on. We know how to grill. We know how to change car tires and how to fix toilets (sort of). We remember trash day and recycling day most of the time. We do pedicures and manicures and fashion shows. We applaud each other with our successes and commiserate after our failures. The small people bicker and fuss. I try to mediate that, but if that doesn't work, I send them to opposite corners. There is a lot of estrogen in my household, and lordy lordy, that estrogen level is going nowhere but up. Small One has her first training bra. It isn't physically necessary, but her little self is ready for that step. I need to mother these girls so hard core that they get through their adolescence knowing that they are fabulous people, that they are fabulous females. With or without males. The Small Ones need to be awesome people because they are just that.

I am teaching us to kayak. We hike and we bike ride. We have seen wonders when we are motor-less. Having dolphin playing with you in a kayak is so much more wonderful than having dolphin jump the waves when you are traveling in a fast boat (although the cool factor is totally there....Hollywood Dolphin!) Watching manatee in the bay next to your still boat as you are picnicking is priceless. I am teaching them to stick their fingers and feet and sometimes noses into the earth so that they can learn to be part of the big What Is. I am teaching them to grow things. We talk about what kind of garden we will have when we buy our house this fall. I am also trying to get over my fear of spiders and bugs, but that isn't going so well.

They see me sweat, they see me run and bike and work. They see me do all of the things that two parents do. And I can do that. I can work hard at a supremely intensive job. The Small Ones know how intense it is. They ask about it. We talk about it almost every time I come home from work. Does it surprise anyone that I am not bringing up a nurse? They see the hard and rightly do not see any glamor. They see me take care of all the things that Moms take care of, and they see me take care of lots of the things that Dads take care of, too. Because when it comes down to brass tacks, one person can really do all of it. Except the brownies and the cakes and goodies because while I can cook, I hate to bake. And I don't have a pickup truck or a 6-12 foot ladder, so that kind of limits me, too.

How do you mother girls? How do you make them strong and smart and resilient? How do you bring them up to be steadfast and almost, but not quite, impermeable to the crap that's going to hit them from every front? I have beautiful, smart, sweet, strong small people. I want them to come through these next years running, running balls to the wall, and emerge on the other side just glowing with possibilities.

We fed turtles flowers. Hibiscus flowers. Who knew that hibiscus flowers were the preferred treat for turtles? Small One and Smallest of All know that. I hope they carry that knowledge with them.