My long run for the week, and I lived to tell. Yet another really bad long distance run. At what point do you say "ok, I am a back of the pack runner" when you have always been a mid-pack runner? These long runs are simply killing me.
This run hurt. Lots. As in, it has to get better or I am going to quit. I hate hurting this much. I hate thinking that I totally suck this much. The one and only thing that I have going for me at this point is that little glitter/sparkle thing I have in me. That is the thing that won't let me stop, won't let me quit. I may not do well in this marathon, but by God, I will make the distance. Even if I have to crawl. And I know that because that is what kept me going today...I would have made my distance, even if I had to crawl. Maybe, just maybe, I am a little hard core. Or maybe I am just really stubborn in a quasi-OCD kind of way. We will see.
Total: 15.5 miles
Total for week: 37.5 miles
Sunday, March 7, 2010
What a hard weekend.
I was supposed to run 15 on Saturday, but my son, MR I AM IN COLLEGE AND DONT TELL ME WHAT DO DO "forgot" to come home. So, because I really couldn't leave the girls home alone for close to 3 hours ( ya think???), I ran 5 miles. Not bad, not good, just logging some miles in absence of the long run. Oh yeah...I did eat enough to compensate for a long run that didn't happen, thank you very much. Which might be why I can't fit into my jeans as comfortably today.
Crud. Gonna go to the Strawberry Festival and then hopefully go for a ride on a bike with a guy I kind of like a lot. After I get the run in.
Miles: 5
Total weekly miles: 22
Crud. Gonna go to the Strawberry Festival and then hopefully go for a ride on a bike with a guy I kind of like a lot. After I get the run in.
Miles: 5
Total weekly miles: 22
Friday, March 5, 2010
In which Sarah helps a patient die well. How's that for hard core?
I did some of my best nursing today. I didn't save a life. Absolutely nothing dramatic happened. On the contrary, everyone was alive, quiet, stable and at baseline. But, in a way, I saved a patient. Not by me alone, of course, but he was saved indeed. He was saved from tests, from needle-sticks, from indignity piled upon further indignity. Saved from further injury. I greatly facilitated the transfer of a terminal patient to a hospice setting.
A life that is fading with no hope of recovery should traverse softly down a pain-free hill with loved ones at bedside here and there until death occurs. Dignity and respect. Those are the best gifts you can give someone. Dignity. Respect. If you base your entire life on those as a premise, you will do well. In life, and, as in this case, in death. Once the basic needs of existance are met, what we, all of us, need is dignity and respect. Think about it...in our career, our relationships, our parenthood, our recreation. What do we want? Dignity and respect. Something like that should be easy, should be effortless. It isn't. So many people and so many opinions are in the mix. If your dog or cat is terminal and actively dying, you put them to sleep, because it is the kindest thing to do. The terminology among us lay-folk is "put to sleep". How kind, how compassionate. "I love you so. You have been my world for so long. Sleep well, my love". That's what we tell our pets. Dignity and respect.
I hugged the patient's daughter when he was being transferred to the hospice house. I hugged and kissed his wife. They cried. I would have cried, but I don't cry anymore. Still, I held them and cared for them. I cleaned, dressed, and hugged my patient. I walked with him and held his hand as they rolled the stretcher to the elevator. That is what nurses do sometimes. We give when we can no longer cry. We do all we can to help our patients survive, but when it is their time to die, we hope that they die with dignity and respect.
Miles: 15.5
Miles for the week: 37.5
A life that is fading with no hope of recovery should traverse softly down a pain-free hill with loved ones at bedside here and there until death occurs. Dignity and respect. Those are the best gifts you can give someone. Dignity. Respect. If you base your entire life on those as a premise, you will do well. In life, and, as in this case, in death. Once the basic needs of existance are met, what we, all of us, need is dignity and respect. Think about it...in our career, our relationships, our parenthood, our recreation. What do we want? Dignity and respect. Something like that should be easy, should be effortless. It isn't. So many people and so many opinions are in the mix. If your dog or cat is terminal and actively dying, you put them to sleep, because it is the kindest thing to do. The terminology among us lay-folk is "put to sleep". How kind, how compassionate. "I love you so. You have been my world for so long. Sleep well, my love". That's what we tell our pets. Dignity and respect.
I hugged the patient's daughter when he was being transferred to the hospice house. I hugged and kissed his wife. They cried. I would have cried, but I don't cry anymore. Still, I held them and cared for them. I cleaned, dressed, and hugged my patient. I walked with him and held his hand as they rolled the stretcher to the elevator. That is what nurses do sometimes. We give when we can no longer cry. We do all we can to help our patients survive, but when it is their time to die, we hope that they die with dignity and respect.
Miles: 15.5
Miles for the week: 37.5
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Trust. Part One.
When I blithely hopped onto the mill today to talk with a good friend that I hadn't seen in awhile, I didn't know that I was going to get a gut-check lesson in trust. As in " I'm crying and running and don't touch me and just be there for me for right now" trust. I don't know if men experience this, but women do. Sometimes women just need to have a safe place to spill, a place that doesn't include touching, comment or judgment. I ran a good 10 miler today, but the best thing that I did was to love my friend.
Sometimes, God humbles me.
Sometimes, God humbles me.
I felt like Winnie the Pooh and the Very Blustery Day
Today was scheduled to be my mid-week sorta-long run. This run seems to always be the key to my marathon fitness, and it generally is my favorite run of the week. It is long enough to be a little fatiguing, short enough that I recover in a very short amount of time.
I woke up several times during the night, startled by the banging and clanking of shutters and loose stuff, and windchimes playing some crazy staccato tune. That front that everyone was talking about finally made its way here. By the time that I finally made it out to run (after the "get the girls up, drive them to school, obligatory morning talk to mom and visit with the elders at the Y" thing), the temps had dropped, the sun was gone and the wind was wild. 10 miles, in the wind. I fully expected the worst. I did not, however, receive the worst. It was a fun little run with a few stupid spots to it. Like, when I accidentally spit into the wind. Or when the wind blew the drinking fountain water all over my face. Stuff like that. I wasn't warm, but I wasn't absolutely freezing. I did get blown around a little bit, but I didn't get totally stopped in my tracks. I was fairly tired at the end, but not so worn out that I thought twice about jumping onto the treadmill next to a good friend to chat for a bit (she was running, I walked). So, all in all, a good run on a very blustery day.
Total: 10 miles
Total for Week: 17 miles
I woke up several times during the night, startled by the banging and clanking of shutters and loose stuff, and windchimes playing some crazy staccato tune. That front that everyone was talking about finally made its way here. By the time that I finally made it out to run (after the "get the girls up, drive them to school, obligatory morning talk to mom and visit with the elders at the Y" thing), the temps had dropped, the sun was gone and the wind was wild. 10 miles, in the wind. I fully expected the worst. I did not, however, receive the worst. It was a fun little run with a few stupid spots to it. Like, when I accidentally spit into the wind. Or when the wind blew the drinking fountain water all over my face. Stuff like that. I wasn't warm, but I wasn't absolutely freezing. I did get blown around a little bit, but I didn't get totally stopped in my tracks. I was fairly tired at the end, but not so worn out that I thought twice about jumping onto the treadmill next to a good friend to chat for a bit (she was running, I walked). So, all in all, a good run on a very blustery day.
Total: 10 miles
Total for Week: 17 miles
Monday, March 1, 2010
Boys on the couch
Mama's Boy is home on spring break. He is in a hard place right now, but that is another, abyss-related post. Still, he has brought a college friend home tonight. And so, I have boys on the couch. They are so big, so long and tall, but still, they want a Mama to tuck the blankets around them. They can't sleep unless the TV is talking . Therefore, I am going to bed, knowing that the TV is on and that there are boys on the couch.
Running Repeats
I hate speedwork. I am the biggest baby in the world. If it hurts, I don't like it. If it requires lots of effort, I want out. But there is this little, tiny, ferocious bit of glitter that lives in me somewhere. It isn't actually a spine, because I think I lack that; instead it is some sort of sparkly hard-headedness that appears at odd moments and gives me direction. And so, I had a sparkly sort of run today.
I was expecting a horrible run. I was/am having residual ex issues of a highly frustrating kind. (I get all of the equity out of the house -- nice house, wanna buy it??-- and he won't sign a contract. We have had 3 offers, and he won't sign. The courts won't help and move too slowly, so I get screwed from all directions. Makes me crazy. And frustrated. Therefore I cry. Because, really, what else is there to do??) I have never run well when I am upset. Frequently, I blow off a run when I am too emotional, because I know that I will quit within the first few miles anyway. I just can't keep my head in the game, can't get to that running zone. Anger and frustration keep me too much in the here and now to have any sort of decent run. But, I have made the decision to commit to running Bayshore. And I am OCD enough to have that kind of decision matter. Really matter. That is where that little, tiny nugget of IN YOUR FACE glitter comes into play. My running schedule becomes my bible. If I am supposed to do it, I WILL do it, no matter what. No matter if I have to crawl. And so I had a sparkle-run today.
I do repeats on the treadmill at this time of year. All the HS tracks are in use during the day when it is most opportune for me to run. I kind of think that treadmill running is cheating, but on the other hand, it is much harder than outdoor running. The treadmill moves for you, and you don't get the resistance of incline and wind and all the other outdoor stuff. Yet, you have to deal with monotony, impact, and monotony. I don't use the incline on the 'mill, because every time that I do, I get a whopping case of Plantar Fasciitis (PF). Did I mention the monotony? Today was supposed to be 6 miles, with 6 1/2 mile repeats of increasing speed. Doesn't that sound intense? I'm going to go with that, cause it sounds cool....HA!
So, Pink Shuffle and I took our pissed-off selves to the Y and hopped on the treadmill expecting the worst. 2 mile warm up. I like the music. Ponytail is twirling (always a good sign), and my heart rate isn't climbing much. Sooooo....Let's do 7 repeats. Just cause I feel good, and I don't often feel good. Pink Shuffle is happy, I am running and happy, and all is well with the world. Well, except for my hamstring, the one that got twitchy and sore during my soggy 14 miler. Might have to see Greg, massage therapist dude, about that. Still, Pink Shuffle and I nicely clocked 7x1/2 mile repeats today. Easy-peasy, ponytail-twirling, sparkly repeats. 7 miles total, including warm up and cool down. Yay me.
Total miles: 7
Total for week:7
I was expecting a horrible run. I was/am having residual ex issues of a highly frustrating kind. (I get all of the equity out of the house -- nice house, wanna buy it??-- and he won't sign a contract. We have had 3 offers, and he won't sign. The courts won't help and move too slowly, so I get screwed from all directions. Makes me crazy. And frustrated. Therefore I cry. Because, really, what else is there to do??) I have never run well when I am upset. Frequently, I blow off a run when I am too emotional, because I know that I will quit within the first few miles anyway. I just can't keep my head in the game, can't get to that running zone. Anger and frustration keep me too much in the here and now to have any sort of decent run. But, I have made the decision to commit to running Bayshore. And I am OCD enough to have that kind of decision matter. Really matter. That is where that little, tiny nugget of IN YOUR FACE glitter comes into play. My running schedule becomes my bible. If I am supposed to do it, I WILL do it, no matter what. No matter if I have to crawl. And so I had a sparkle-run today.
I do repeats on the treadmill at this time of year. All the HS tracks are in use during the day when it is most opportune for me to run. I kind of think that treadmill running is cheating, but on the other hand, it is much harder than outdoor running. The treadmill moves for you, and you don't get the resistance of incline and wind and all the other outdoor stuff. Yet, you have to deal with monotony, impact, and monotony. I don't use the incline on the 'mill, because every time that I do, I get a whopping case of Plantar Fasciitis (PF). Did I mention the monotony? Today was supposed to be 6 miles, with 6 1/2 mile repeats of increasing speed. Doesn't that sound intense? I'm going to go with that, cause it sounds cool....HA!
So, Pink Shuffle and I took our pissed-off selves to the Y and hopped on the treadmill expecting the worst. 2 mile warm up. I like the music. Ponytail is twirling (always a good sign), and my heart rate isn't climbing much. Sooooo....Let's do 7 repeats. Just cause I feel good, and I don't often feel good. Pink Shuffle is happy, I am running and happy, and all is well with the world. Well, except for my hamstring, the one that got twitchy and sore during my soggy 14 miler. Might have to see Greg, massage therapist dude, about that. Still, Pink Shuffle and I nicely clocked 7x1/2 mile repeats today. Easy-peasy, ponytail-twirling, sparkly repeats. 7 miles total, including warm up and cool down. Yay me.
Total miles: 7
Total for week:7
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