Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Love notes
I write on napkins. I don't do it every day, but I do it a lot. I even went out and bought a huge box of colored Sharpie markers so that I could expand my napkin writing boundaries. My hearts are many-hued, but my sentiments are simple. I slip napkin love notes into lunch boxes, like a midday hug that makes small people happy. And once in awhile, like today, small people slip a napkin love note into MY lunch box, and I get that midday hug that makes Mama happy.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Thoughts on Nursing.
Nursing care is the reason someone is admitted to the hospital. If you only needed Doctor care, you would go to your MD's office, and be cared for. If you need more care than a Doc can provide in the office, you go to the hospital, because what you are really in need of is nursing care. It is a coin, patient care. It has an obverse and a reverse. Docs provide patient cure, nurses provide patient care. You can't have one without the other. What hospital RNs do is start the IV, draw the blood, give the meds, monitor the electrolytes and other lab values, monitor vital signs, notify the doc with lab/patient changes, provide educational and emotional support to patients and families, bathe the patient, do dressing changes, consult with social workers to make sure said patient has sufficient discharge support, call in ancillary departments should the patient need respiratory therapy or physical therapy, and if all else fails, run the code when the patient arrests in one fashion or another. That sentence alone would make you think that nurses are important. Cause when mama goes into the hospital, she will depend on her nurse. Not her RT. Not her PT. Maybe not even her Doc. But truly, the quality of her hospital stay will hinge on her nurse. I wear a stupid, goofy button that says "Nursing Excellence. I believe." 'Nuff said.
Mistake-Guy, that I recently dated, referred to nurses as "stupid nurses" more than once. That rocked my world. I am not yet over it, partially because I asked a doc that likes me tons, who respects me, and whom I really respect, about a blurb I read in a medical journal about doctors' true feelings concerning nurses (so not good). He told me that when he was a resident in NY, even the ICU nurses were severely limited in their scope of practice and therefore, docs just kind of discounted nurses. Discount the nurse. Discount the very person that is in charge of keeping the patient alive. What I do is important, and sometimes life and death important. Yet in my workplace, there are people who minimalize what I do. There are more than a few people who use the words "dumb" and "nurse" in the same phrase. It leaves me dumbfounded.
Last week was Nurses' Week. At my hospital, we were not cherished or celebrated. We were encouraged to give to several charities. No lunch, no trinket, no confirmation of the importance of nurses to the hospital. It wasn't in the budget, and nursing is always the biggest cost center in a hospital. I love what I do. I am always an advocate for my patients, in whatever form that takes. But the love for what I do may not be able to withstand the despair I am beginning to feel. I am not a stupid, expendable nurse. I may be the only one to believe that, tho. What I do is important, and what I do counts. I am one of the backbones of my unit. If I feel this way, well, how do the less experienced RNs feel?
Oh, I ran today. My foot is killing me and I am getting a blister in the right arch. Geez.
Total: 8 miles
Total for week: 11 miles.
Mistake-Guy, that I recently dated, referred to nurses as "stupid nurses" more than once. That rocked my world. I am not yet over it, partially because I asked a doc that likes me tons, who respects me, and whom I really respect, about a blurb I read in a medical journal about doctors' true feelings concerning nurses (so not good). He told me that when he was a resident in NY, even the ICU nurses were severely limited in their scope of practice and therefore, docs just kind of discounted nurses. Discount the nurse. Discount the very person that is in charge of keeping the patient alive. What I do is important, and sometimes life and death important. Yet in my workplace, there are people who minimalize what I do. There are more than a few people who use the words "dumb" and "nurse" in the same phrase. It leaves me dumbfounded.
Last week was Nurses' Week. At my hospital, we were not cherished or celebrated. We were encouraged to give to several charities. No lunch, no trinket, no confirmation of the importance of nurses to the hospital. It wasn't in the budget, and nursing is always the biggest cost center in a hospital. I love what I do. I am always an advocate for my patients, in whatever form that takes. But the love for what I do may not be able to withstand the despair I am beginning to feel. I am not a stupid, expendable nurse. I may be the only one to believe that, tho. What I do is important, and what I do counts. I am one of the backbones of my unit. If I feel this way, well, how do the less experienced RNs feel?
Oh, I ran today. My foot is killing me and I am getting a blister in the right arch. Geez.
Total: 8 miles
Total for week: 11 miles.
3 mile Monday
May 10, 2010
3 miles this morning. I was supposed to do 4-5, but I didn't want to be late to work, therefore I only did 3 miles. I am glad that taper is starting. My legs are just dead. ugh.
On the bright side, I didn't have to play preceptor at work today. I got to just do my job the way I like to do my job, and not have to constantly teach, explain, direct, and all that stuff. And, I got to keep my charts all lined up in numerical order, which makes me happy. I am just like that.
Total: 3 miles
3 miles this morning. I was supposed to do 4-5, but I didn't want to be late to work, therefore I only did 3 miles. I am glad that taper is starting. My legs are just dead. ugh.
On the bright side, I didn't have to play preceptor at work today. I got to just do my job the way I like to do my job, and not have to constantly teach, explain, direct, and all that stuff. And, I got to keep my charts all lined up in numerical order, which makes me happy. I am just like that.
Total: 3 miles
Monday, May 10, 2010
The last long run
Saturday, May 8th
I ran 20 miles. Except that I didn't. But I did run most of it, and I tried. I talked to myself, I cajoled, I made bargains with God. (Just in case you didn't know this, God doesn't bargain. I learned that first-hand.) I simply kept placing one foot in front of the next until I didn't have to anymore. I finished and it was ugly, it was awful, it was all those things. I started late, and finished later in the Florida sun. I don't think that heat really bothers me, but maybe I am wrong. My lack of fortitude is just that. I talk a good game, but when it comes down to it, I don't have much of a game to talk about. Still, I try. I hate that I have to take this last long run with me into my first marathon in years. I am a keystroke away from quitting. I can't do it. I want to make the distance in a respectable time, but I know that I can't and the thought just sucks the life out of me. What I ought to do is jettison the need to run a marathon as hard and as fast as my poor body can go. What I want, and what I really need to embrace, is running long for FUN. How many of us do that??? Why don't we do that? More importantly, why don't I do that? Time is just that. Time. This thing that I am going to do in a few weeks is important to no one but me. No one cares about my time. My result won't cap the oil well in the gulf, it won't fix the economy or the health care crisis, and it won't bring our soldiers home from the Middle East. My time in a race won't feed my family or put a roof over our heads. So, my goal has to shift to completing the distance while having a mostly good time doing it. Much more reasonable.
Miles: 20
Miles for week:46
I ran 20 miles. Except that I didn't. But I did run most of it, and I tried. I talked to myself, I cajoled, I made bargains with God. (Just in case you didn't know this, God doesn't bargain. I learned that first-hand.) I simply kept placing one foot in front of the next until I didn't have to anymore. I finished and it was ugly, it was awful, it was all those things. I started late, and finished later in the Florida sun. I don't think that heat really bothers me, but maybe I am wrong. My lack of fortitude is just that. I talk a good game, but when it comes down to it, I don't have much of a game to talk about. Still, I try. I hate that I have to take this last long run with me into my first marathon in years. I am a keystroke away from quitting. I can't do it. I want to make the distance in a respectable time, but I know that I can't and the thought just sucks the life out of me. What I ought to do is jettison the need to run a marathon as hard and as fast as my poor body can go. What I want, and what I really need to embrace, is running long for FUN. How many of us do that??? Why don't we do that? More importantly, why don't I do that? Time is just that. Time. This thing that I am going to do in a few weeks is important to no one but me. No one cares about my time. My result won't cap the oil well in the gulf, it won't fix the economy or the health care crisis, and it won't bring our soldiers home from the Middle East. My time in a race won't feed my family or put a roof over our heads. So, my goal has to shift to completing the distance while having a mostly good time doing it. Much more reasonable.
Miles: 20
Miles for week:46
Friday, May 7, 2010
12 miles on the mill. Intervals.
Thursday, May 7
Because I missed my run on Monday, I made myself run a little farther on Tuesday, and today, interval day, I added another couple of milesto my run. It is one of my OCD things. I need 50 miles this week. Actually, I don't NEED them (not like air or water) but I will get stuck on stuff like that. Anyway, I did 12 miles with 11 3/4 mile repeats. I ran inside because, again, I was house-bound in the morning with a puking girl. It is getting to be like shampoo directions. Lather, rinse, repeat. Get sick, get better, repeat. Anyway, I wasn't free to run until after 1pm, and man, it was already 90* and humid. So I chose wisely like a grasshopper and ran inside. 2 mile warm up, 11 repeats, and a cool down. Done. The first 6 were kind of easy -- fast for me, slow for most -- the next 2 were kind of hard, and the last 3 were no-doubt-about-it hard. I made it though, and that is what counts.
Plus for the week. On Tuesday, I had to go to court. (Again. It gets old) New judge, as the previous judge recused himself. New judge gave us a 15 minute slot. New judge made his decision in under 10 minutes. Fastest. Hearing. Ever. Immediately after the hearing, I drove to my attorney's office and received a check for a very, very, very nice amount, exactly as spelled out in the divorce judgement. I rushed said check over to the bank to deposit it, but, in my hurry, I forgot the endorsement. Long story short, the teller and I were both cheering as she deposited my nice check. I now have the down payment on my future home in my possession. Wow. It means a lot. And then more than that.
Total: 12 miles
Total for week: 25 miles
Because I missed my run on Monday, I made myself run a little farther on Tuesday, and today, interval day, I added another couple of milesto my run. It is one of my OCD things. I need 50 miles this week. Actually, I don't NEED them (not like air or water) but I will get stuck on stuff like that. Anyway, I did 12 miles with 11 3/4 mile repeats. I ran inside because, again, I was house-bound in the morning with a puking girl. It is getting to be like shampoo directions. Lather, rinse, repeat. Get sick, get better, repeat. Anyway, I wasn't free to run until after 1pm, and man, it was already 90* and humid. So I chose wisely like a grasshopper and ran inside. 2 mile warm up, 11 repeats, and a cool down. Done. The first 6 were kind of easy -- fast for me, slow for most -- the next 2 were kind of hard, and the last 3 were no-doubt-about-it hard. I made it though, and that is what counts.
Plus for the week. On Tuesday, I had to go to court. (Again. It gets old) New judge, as the previous judge recused himself. New judge gave us a 15 minute slot. New judge made his decision in under 10 minutes. Fastest. Hearing. Ever. Immediately after the hearing, I drove to my attorney's office and received a check for a very, very, very nice amount, exactly as spelled out in the divorce judgement. I rushed said check over to the bank to deposit it, but, in my hurry, I forgot the endorsement. Long story short, the teller and I were both cheering as she deposited my nice check. I now have the down payment on my future home in my possession. Wow. It means a lot. And then more than that.
Total: 12 miles
Total for week: 25 miles
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The strangest thing
Monday, May 3.
This is the last week (well, maybe next to last) of hard running before I taper for Bayshore. I don't feel well-trained. I mostly feel well-worn. My expectation for the race is simply to finish (the fantasy is to run fabulously and come in sub-4, but really, it is a fantasy. A girl can dream...).
I had 6 miles slated to run after work, but the strangest thing happened to me. I woke up Monday morning, and my lower legs were a little bit swollen -- puffy, like I had been standing all day. The swelling worsened during my shift (lots and lots of standing and walking), and by the time I got home, I had some serious (4+) pitting edema going on. That means that I could press my fingers into my shins and leave dents that were close to a centimeter deep. Not only that, the edema extended to almost my waist. My legs were so stiff and tight that I couldn't have sat back on my haunches if I had tried. I tried to do my six miles, but I simply could not run. I just couldn't. I had dinner with a friend, and then went to bed. In the morning, my legs were a little better, maybe +2 edema, but my face was swollen, and my eyes were so puffy. It was very worrisome to me.
13 miles later (well, 12 running miles, 1 walking mile) in the sun found the facial swelling mostly gone. My legs were less puffy, but not normal. I deal with patients who have swelling like this on a routine basis. I know a bunch of reasons why I might be so edematous, and I wanted to consider none of them. I took an OTC diuretic, and went on about my business, which was to help my children shelter a lost dog for the night.
Today, I talked to my ARNP. We are not worried about me having cardiac issues. My last EKG, showed sinus brady, which was expected. I have had renal issues in the past, but they were related to pre-eclamptic pregnancies. The swelling was bilateral and was almost resolved, so she wasn't suspicious of a DVT. So the usual suspects were ruled out. What came to light, however, is that I ran 20 miles in the suddenly-summer heat and humidity. I put forth a huge effort, and followed it up with 5 hours in the full Florida sun at the zoo with small people. I tend to have waves of nausea now and again during long runs, and post-run, my gut can't handle food. When it can, I tend to eat pretzels and the like -- things that are easily digested. What I don't eat is protein. What I do is beat my body up and then forget to replenish it. I don't do recovery. At all. My ARNP thinks that my piss-poor recovery caused me to have depleted albumin, which caused me to have such bad swelling. Moral of the story? I need to eat protein the day before a long run and the day of the long run. Most people do this. I need to join the ranks of most people. Duh.
Total: 13 miles
Total for week: 13 miles
This is the last week (well, maybe next to last) of hard running before I taper for Bayshore. I don't feel well-trained. I mostly feel well-worn. My expectation for the race is simply to finish (the fantasy is to run fabulously and come in sub-4, but really, it is a fantasy. A girl can dream...).
I had 6 miles slated to run after work, but the strangest thing happened to me. I woke up Monday morning, and my lower legs were a little bit swollen -- puffy, like I had been standing all day. The swelling worsened during my shift (lots and lots of standing and walking), and by the time I got home, I had some serious (4+) pitting edema going on. That means that I could press my fingers into my shins and leave dents that were close to a centimeter deep. Not only that, the edema extended to almost my waist. My legs were so stiff and tight that I couldn't have sat back on my haunches if I had tried. I tried to do my six miles, but I simply could not run. I just couldn't. I had dinner with a friend, and then went to bed. In the morning, my legs were a little better, maybe +2 edema, but my face was swollen, and my eyes were so puffy. It was very worrisome to me.
13 miles later (well, 12 running miles, 1 walking mile) in the sun found the facial swelling mostly gone. My legs were less puffy, but not normal. I deal with patients who have swelling like this on a routine basis. I know a bunch of reasons why I might be so edematous, and I wanted to consider none of them. I took an OTC diuretic, and went on about my business, which was to help my children shelter a lost dog for the night.
Today, I talked to my ARNP. We are not worried about me having cardiac issues. My last EKG, showed sinus brady, which was expected. I have had renal issues in the past, but they were related to pre-eclamptic pregnancies. The swelling was bilateral and was almost resolved, so she wasn't suspicious of a DVT. So the usual suspects were ruled out. What came to light, however, is that I ran 20 miles in the suddenly-summer heat and humidity. I put forth a huge effort, and followed it up with 5 hours in the full Florida sun at the zoo with small people. I tend to have waves of nausea now and again during long runs, and post-run, my gut can't handle food. When it can, I tend to eat pretzels and the like -- things that are easily digested. What I don't eat is protein. What I do is beat my body up and then forget to replenish it. I don't do recovery. At all. My ARNP thinks that my piss-poor recovery caused me to have depleted albumin, which caused me to have such bad swelling. Moral of the story? I need to eat protein the day before a long run and the day of the long run. Most people do this. I need to join the ranks of most people. Duh.
Total: 13 miles
Total for week: 13 miles
Sunday, May 2, 2010
20 miles and a trip to the zoo
Saturday, May 1
My long runs have all been hard for me. I have yet to have one of those runs where I just breeze along effortlessly and all of a sudden 17 miles are in the bag. I have struggled with each and every long run this training cycle. Still, yesterday's 20 miler was less difficult than the long runs of the 2 previous weeks. I still had a "down" period between miles 16 and 18, and the first three miles were quite gimpy, but all in all it was a less than horrible long run. I started at 6:40, when it was fairly humid but cool; I finished 3.5 hours later in the full-on Florida sun. I am hopeful that it won't be 75* and humid at the start of Bayshore, and more hopeful that it won't be 85* when I finish. You never know, tho. If it is, well, I can't say that I haven't trained for that kind of weather.
I finished the run, hopped into the car and drove home. I drank half of a beer (why does beer taste good after a long run? I don't even like beer), showered and tumbled the small people into the car. We picked up a friend and her small person, and spend the next 5 hours under the sunny Florida skies at the Lowry Park Zoo. 20 miles in the morning, followed by 5 hours of walking in the afternoon. Gotta love it. The kids had a great time. Made it home in one piece, fixed supper, drank some wine and hit the hay. I woke up 12 hours later. My feet hurt today. Ya think???
Miles: 20+ a smoot
Total for week: Kissing 50
My long runs have all been hard for me. I have yet to have one of those runs where I just breeze along effortlessly and all of a sudden 17 miles are in the bag. I have struggled with each and every long run this training cycle. Still, yesterday's 20 miler was less difficult than the long runs of the 2 previous weeks. I still had a "down" period between miles 16 and 18, and the first three miles were quite gimpy, but all in all it was a less than horrible long run. I started at 6:40, when it was fairly humid but cool; I finished 3.5 hours later in the full-on Florida sun. I am hopeful that it won't be 75* and humid at the start of Bayshore, and more hopeful that it won't be 85* when I finish. You never know, tho. If it is, well, I can't say that I haven't trained for that kind of weather.
I finished the run, hopped into the car and drove home. I drank half of a beer (why does beer taste good after a long run? I don't even like beer), showered and tumbled the small people into the car. We picked up a friend and her small person, and spend the next 5 hours under the sunny Florida skies at the Lowry Park Zoo. 20 miles in the morning, followed by 5 hours of walking in the afternoon. Gotta love it. The kids had a great time. Made it home in one piece, fixed supper, drank some wine and hit the hay. I woke up 12 hours later. My feet hurt today. Ya think???
Miles: 20+ a smoot
Total for week: Kissing 50
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