Monday, January 31, 2011

Well, Happy New Year. 2011. Geez.

Yeah, so I lasted posted about, oh, 2 years ago. Right around the time the Uber-Ortho drained my knee and life was good. (That lasted about a week. My knee and I, with the full-court press of 20ccs of fluid drained and some steroids infused felt fine and dandy for a week. Maybe 2 -- its Christmastide and I am feeling generous.)

The difference in strength in my quads was remarkable enough that the PT and the Uber-Ortho commented on it. Which kind of means nothing. But the muscle wasting in my right quad made cycling, well, interesting. The bike "skittered" underneath me. I am a novice rider, and a single rider. But I passed someone doing 22mph (not fast for most people), and I almost bought the farm. My bike skated on me. The more I rode, the more it did it. They tell me that it skates because one leg is so much stronger than the other. *sigh* I stopped cycling because my bike scares me now. I hate that. I really hate that.

So, 6-week follow up with Uber-Ortho. He says, looking not at me but at my MRI from the initial injury, that my PCL isn't an issue anymore. What I have is arthritis and some severe cartilage damage in my right knee. All my issues are related to that tissue damage. (Let me say that my knees never hurt me until I spilled from my bike. I said as much. His response was, "I didn't have any gray hair until I got my first gray hair.) He talks "when" not "if" about a knee replacement. When. Partial replacement. Perhaps not total. He says, not looking at me, only at the old MRI, that it is a kind of race between whether my "ticker" or my knee gives out first. Seriously? My heart or my knee. I don't have any cardiac issues, and am a healthy, active, middle-aged female. I have no concerns about my heart. Apparently, although we have talked about it before, he has forgotten that I am a cardiac nurse. But he is the ortho expert and talks about WHEN. When my knee gets replaced. He says that you only get so many stides, and that I have gone through mine. 20 minutes looking up and down and backwards and forwards though that scan. And you know what??? I am bone on bone in a small place in my right knee. But don't tell my knee, because she doesn't know it. Per the MRI, I am supposed to have a whole lotta pain going on. But. I. Don't.

I have seen those films. I have seen that cartilage loss. It is kind of impressive. It happened before I fell from my bike, and has never, ever bothered me when I run. Still, it is there. I think that if I am a WHEN and not an IF about a knee surgery, I am going to follow that slide in sideways philosophy. If I have to give it up, it will be on my terms. I have seen the MRI films. I know the score. I miss running. I miss it like the loss of a friend, or a lover. It is my decision. I choose to not go gently into that good night.

So. 1/1/11. 6+ miles. Ran more than I walked. Maybe 4 miles running, 2+ walking---mostly because I am not in shape to run. But, I did it. And, since it might be the LAST time I did it, I loved it. I loved the lake. I loved the birds, and I loved the people. I made sure to love this run/walk.

1/3/11. Slow, with walk breaks, mostly because I am so out of shape. I last really ran in September. Now I am running with a possibly delicate knee. Well, it is delicate. I just choose to ignore that.

1/3/11. Walked a bunch of miles in Epcot. I got some unexpected money for Christmas, and decided to do the Disney thing this year. We live in Florida, about an hour from Disney and never go. Not anymore. Smallest of All had a school field-trip to Epcot in December. She just adored it. A Princess Day anyway you slice it. So, Small One wanted to experience Epcot, too. Yay again! When I got home, I did some serious icing of my knee.


Happy New Year to Everyone!!!!!

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