Monday, May 10, 2010

The last long run

Saturday, May 8th

I ran 20 miles. Except that I didn't. But I did run most of it, and I tried. I talked to myself, I cajoled, I made bargains with God. (Just in case you didn't know this, God doesn't bargain. I learned that first-hand.) I simply kept placing one foot in front of the next until I didn't have to anymore. I finished and it was ugly, it was awful, it was all those things. I started late, and finished later in the Florida sun. I don't think that heat really bothers me, but maybe I am wrong. My lack of fortitude is just that. I talk a good game, but when it comes down to it, I don't have much of a game to talk about. Still, I try. I hate that I have to take this last long run with me into my first marathon in years. I am a keystroke away from quitting. I can't do it. I want to make the distance in a respectable time, but I know that I can't and the thought just sucks the life out of me. What I ought to do is jettison the need to run a marathon as hard and as fast as my poor body can go. What I want, and what I really need to embrace, is running long for FUN. How many of us do that??? Why don't we do that? More importantly, why don't I do that? Time is just that. Time. This thing that I am going to do in a few weeks is important to no one but me. No one cares about my time. My result won't cap the oil well in the gulf, it won't fix the economy or the health care crisis, and it won't bring our soldiers home from the Middle East. My time in a race won't feed my family or put a roof over our heads. So, my goal has to shift to completing the distance while having a mostly good time doing it. Much more reasonable.

Miles: 20
Miles for week:46

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