Monday, April 26
I got the call at 5:32 am. Belen, night charge, in her Tagalog accent said, "Saaaraaah. You are canceled today. What other day are you going to work?" (You don't get canceled for free, apparently) I told her that Friday would do, and I turned over and went back to sleep. Until 10:30. And then? I sat in bed and read and talked on the phone until 3pm. After that, I collected the twirly girls from the bus stop, messed around at home for a bit and finally went to the gym, where I staggered through 6 miles on the treadmill. Its official -- my shoes are toast. So I went home and ordered 2 new pair for under $140. Gotta love Donnie.
God looked out for me today. I needed to be canceled because my babysitters had meetings at school, and College-Boy had an exam late in the afternoon. So I had no child care. Again. It gets old. But, I was canceled, and for now, it is all good.
Total: 6 miles.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Forget about it
Let's just deep-six this run. Two bad long runs in a row would have me questioning all sorts of gods and deities and stuff. So...let's just chalk this run up to "LIFE CHANGING FRIDAY THAT LASTED ALL DAY" and poor hydration. I felt ok through the first 10 or so, but when I went south, I went south in a hurry. I was ok, and next thing I knew, I wasn't. I did, and ran, what I could, in the lovely Florida sunshine. I hope that my run-walk in Traverse City is as pretty as my Florida miles. Yeah, that's what I'm telling myself.
Total miles: 16 (dislike)
Total miles for week: 40.
Total miles: 16 (dislike)
Total miles for week: 40.
This Is It Friday.
April 23
The day it all happened. Well, not really. What happened was that my house, the house that I left after the day my life changed, the house that holds most financial ties to the ex, the house that harbors the possibility of a new stability for me and my kids -- I closed on that house. The money that was tied up in real estate is now liquid. That is huge. It represents a future for us that is solid. Considering that a judge will have to distribute the funds, and that much argument will be made, and considering that things just never go quite as planned, I expect to get my share sometime before the next millennium. I care not. Because now, now I can dream. Not plan, mind you, but dream. I can dream of paint and gardens and appointing a kitchen and maybe of a dog and of all the things that families that are permanently permanent are. I can't smile about it yet. I can't even really think about it yet. I don't even know if I wrap my poor, sorry mind around it yet, but one day, not soon, I will will have a home of my own. A place that I can put down roots, and grow my children like flowers. The blessing of Friday was that now I can dream and wish and hope for us and know that I really may be able to make some of those dreams and wishes and hopes come true.
I ran Friday, too much and too hard --all to run away from the stress of the day. 8 miles with 6 x 3/4 mile repeats (it sounds impressive...just laugh when you read it). They were easy. I paid for it on Saturday, but I digress. I just needed to run away from the stress of the closing. Look, when the title agent and attorney are in tears, there are issues. When no one can keep track of the sheer volume of emails, there are issues. When calling in the ex's BIG BROTHER (literally) to make the closing happen occurs, there are issues. I was in a pressure cooker, and it didn't end until around 7pm. I cried. I shook. I felt like pieces of me might explode from the pressure. I was kind and dignified at closing, and all day I was a complete mess. Except, except when I was running. And so I ran farther and harder than I should have. I ran. And I ran. And it helped.
Total: 8 miles
Total for week: 24 miles
The day it all happened. Well, not really. What happened was that my house, the house that I left after the day my life changed, the house that holds most financial ties to the ex, the house that harbors the possibility of a new stability for me and my kids -- I closed on that house. The money that was tied up in real estate is now liquid. That is huge. It represents a future for us that is solid. Considering that a judge will have to distribute the funds, and that much argument will be made, and considering that things just never go quite as planned, I expect to get my share sometime before the next millennium. I care not. Because now, now I can dream. Not plan, mind you, but dream. I can dream of paint and gardens and appointing a kitchen and maybe of a dog and of all the things that families that are permanently permanent are. I can't smile about it yet. I can't even really think about it yet. I don't even know if I wrap my poor, sorry mind around it yet, but one day, not soon, I will will have a home of my own. A place that I can put down roots, and grow my children like flowers. The blessing of Friday was that now I can dream and wish and hope for us and know that I really may be able to make some of those dreams and wishes and hopes come true.
I ran Friday, too much and too hard --all to run away from the stress of the day. 8 miles with 6 x 3/4 mile repeats (it sounds impressive...just laugh when you read it). They were easy. I paid for it on Saturday, but I digress. I just needed to run away from the stress of the closing. Look, when the title agent and attorney are in tears, there are issues. When no one can keep track of the sheer volume of emails, there are issues. When calling in the ex's BIG BROTHER (literally) to make the closing happen occurs, there are issues. I was in a pressure cooker, and it didn't end until around 7pm. I cried. I shook. I felt like pieces of me might explode from the pressure. I was kind and dignified at closing, and all day I was a complete mess. Except, except when I was running. And so I ran farther and harder than I should have. I ran. And I ran. And it helped.
Total: 8 miles
Total for week: 24 miles
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tuesday Eleven (I Got My Hair Done)
Is there anything better than getting your hair done? Well, let me codicil that. Is there anything better than getting your hair done when 1) you are in need, 2) your stylist has been your stylist for years and is now your friend, 3) you need a chance to just sit and be? And so, my dark is now less dark with highlights. I am embracing spring and summer with a sweet new do. Next week -- small people get their hair done. What a gift, to have a place where all the girls, the girly-girls and the not so girly ones, can go and get fluffed and puffed just the right amount. We just love Connie, and she loves us.
11 miles that were supposed to be 12, but I got talking to a girlfriend and wasted precious time and so I only could do 11 (well, 11.5) before I had to get my hair done. Let's face it. Run v Hair. No contest.
I walked some. Not so good at that 2 runs in 12 hours thing, but it wasn't horrible. Maybe the marathon won't be horrible. HA!
Total: 11 miles and new spring hair
Total for week: 16 miles.
11 miles that were supposed to be 12, but I got talking to a girlfriend and wasted precious time and so I only could do 11 (well, 11.5) before I had to get my hair done. Let's face it. Run v Hair. No contest.
I walked some. Not so good at that 2 runs in 12 hours thing, but it wasn't horrible. Maybe the marathon won't be horrible. HA!
Total: 11 miles and new spring hair
Total for week: 16 miles.
Shhh. Dirty Secret.
Monday, April 19
I like running in the rain. I like running in the rain after a long day at work. Running after work (remember, I work 12 (*cough-13-cough*) hour shifts) never means a run longer than a few miles. My legs start out tired, but generally they don't get any more tired than when they started. I always think of running after work as money in the bank....if I can start and finish on about an even keel, well, it is all to the good.
Monday, we had storms come through. Thunder, lightning --July in April. It was just kind of spitting rain when I started, and I started late due to a long, long day and long, long report. I took Pink Shuffle with me, even though she doesn't like the rain. Who knew that it would cease spitting and decide to start a lovely spring downpour? Pink Shuffle had to hide in my pocket. But I kept on, in the rain. Just running. Avoiding deep puddles. (Even if I am soaked to the bone, and my feet are saturated, I hate stepping in puddles to my ankles. Personal quirk) So, 5 miles, nicely tucked in after a long day on my feet. I don't want to run a marathon in the rain, but a few miles, at the cusp of night, when the rain is beating and the wind whipping, well, those few miles make me remember how vibrant I am.
Total: 5 miles
Total for week: 5 miles
I like running in the rain. I like running in the rain after a long day at work. Running after work (remember, I work 12 (*cough-13-cough*) hour shifts) never means a run longer than a few miles. My legs start out tired, but generally they don't get any more tired than when they started. I always think of running after work as money in the bank....if I can start and finish on about an even keel, well, it is all to the good.
Monday, we had storms come through. Thunder, lightning --July in April. It was just kind of spitting rain when I started, and I started late due to a long, long day and long, long report. I took Pink Shuffle with me, even though she doesn't like the rain. Who knew that it would cease spitting and decide to start a lovely spring downpour? Pink Shuffle had to hide in my pocket. But I kept on, in the rain. Just running. Avoiding deep puddles. (Even if I am soaked to the bone, and my feet are saturated, I hate stepping in puddles to my ankles. Personal quirk) So, 5 miles, nicely tucked in after a long day on my feet. I don't want to run a marathon in the rain, but a few miles, at the cusp of night, when the rain is beating and the wind whipping, well, those few miles make me remember how vibrant I am.
Total: 5 miles
Total for week: 5 miles
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Damn-assed Stupid.
Don't ask. Don't tell. And don't, for goodness sake, let STUFF involve itself with a long run. Either commit or don't. Be all in, or be out. You can't fake a long, long run. You just can't. I found that out the hard way. My 2o miler ended up being a pitiful, horrible (yeah, you knew better, so deal with it and don't whine about it, it was your own fault) run. 20 turned into 15, and it was only that much because I was too damned stubborn to quit before that. Apparently, I will be walking most of the Bayshore course.
Sometimes I could just kick myself. I stack my failures up, and don't offset them with anything. I did see the SPCA walk for pets, which was cool, but I wasn't feeling it. Dodging dogs and walkers in myriad wasn't working for me, but I really appreciated the cause. Geez. Maybe next week will be better.
Appointment Guy said to fill up time with things that augment me. So, after the sucky long run, small people and I went on a picnic. Their choice. A picnic in the secret garden and play spot. They picnicked, ran about, explored and picked contraband flowers. I laid on our soft blanket and read. And napped. So tired, I was. Still, we successfully traversed the day.
Total: 15 miles
Total for week: 43 miles.
Sometimes I could just kick myself. I stack my failures up, and don't offset them with anything. I did see the SPCA walk for pets, which was cool, but I wasn't feeling it. Dodging dogs and walkers in myriad wasn't working for me, but I really appreciated the cause. Geez. Maybe next week will be better.
Appointment Guy said to fill up time with things that augment me. So, after the sucky long run, small people and I went on a picnic. Their choice. A picnic in the secret garden and play spot. They picnicked, ran about, explored and picked contraband flowers. I laid on our soft blanket and read. And napped. So tired, I was. Still, we successfully traversed the day.
Total: 15 miles
Total for week: 43 miles.
Blessings.
My hard stuff is hard. Yet, I don't want to compare it to anyone ease's hard stuff because I don't know what their hard stuff is. I haven't had a child die. I have not experienced any serious medical issue. I do not worry about my health, nor do I worry about my children's health. My parents are still alive. I am not bankrupt, and I am not unemployed. I am always on the edge of okay. Imagine, should you be old enough to remember vaudeville shows, the plate spinner. That is me. I spin plates. Children. Work. Home. Childcare. Meals. Church. Running. Children. Me. I keep all of them spinning, but all of the plates wobble. It takes all that I have to keep the plates spinning, to keep the balls in the air. I have me to depend on. I have no family here. I have me, only me.
Appointment Guy had me make a list of the people that I could call on for help; a list of people that I could depend on. The list was longer than I expected. Gosh. Who knew? I fail to recognize so many of the blessings in my life. (Right now, my daughter is puting lipgloss on me, and brushing my hair. She thinks I am beautiful. A blessing) I have people who are not related to me, but who may be there for me no matter what. It humbles me.
Friday I ran 4 miles on the treadmill. I ran inside because my allergies are killing me, and I had 20 to do on Saturday. I didn't want to be triggered more than necessary, but dang, those four mile were hard. Not running hard, just boring hard. I did them, tucked them under the belt.
Total: 4ish miles
Total for week: 28ish miles
Appointment Guy had me make a list of the people that I could call on for help; a list of people that I could depend on. The list was longer than I expected. Gosh. Who knew? I fail to recognize so many of the blessings in my life. (Right now, my daughter is puting lipgloss on me, and brushing my hair. She thinks I am beautiful. A blessing) I have people who are not related to me, but who may be there for me no matter what. It humbles me.
Friday I ran 4 miles on the treadmill. I ran inside because my allergies are killing me, and I had 20 to do on Saturday. I didn't want to be triggered more than necessary, but dang, those four mile were hard. Not running hard, just boring hard. I did them, tucked them under the belt.
Total: 4ish miles
Total for week: 28ish miles
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