Sunday, April 25, 2010

This Is It Friday.

April 23

The day it all happened. Well, not really. What happened was that my house, the house that I left after the day my life changed, the house that holds most financial ties to the ex, the house that harbors the possibility of a new stability for me and my kids -- I closed on that house. The money that was tied up in real estate is now liquid. That is huge. It represents a future for us that is solid. Considering that a judge will have to distribute the funds, and that much argument will be made, and considering that things just never go quite as planned, I expect to get my share sometime before the next millennium. I care not. Because now, now I can dream. Not plan, mind you, but dream. I can dream of paint and gardens and appointing a kitchen and maybe of a dog and of all the things that families that are permanently permanent are. I can't smile about it yet. I can't even really think about it yet. I don't even know if I wrap my poor, sorry mind around it yet, but one day, not soon, I will will have a home of my own. A place that I can put down roots, and grow my children like flowers. The blessing of Friday was that now I can dream and wish and hope for us and know that I really may be able to make some of those dreams and wishes and hopes come true.

I ran Friday, too much and too hard --all to run away from the stress of the day. 8 miles with 6 x 3/4 mile repeats (it sounds impressive...just laugh when you read it). They were easy. I paid for it on Saturday, but I digress. I just needed to run away from the stress of the closing. Look, when the title agent and attorney are in tears, there are issues. When no one can keep track of the sheer volume of emails, there are issues. When calling in the ex's BIG BROTHER (literally) to make the closing happen occurs, there are issues. I was in a pressure cooker, and it didn't end until around 7pm. I cried. I shook. I felt like pieces of me might explode from the pressure. I was kind and dignified at closing, and all day I was a complete mess. Except, except when I was running. And so I ran farther and harder than I should have. I ran. And I ran. And it helped.

Total: 8 miles
Total for week: 24 miles

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